green illusion

This is going to be quick and unfortunately a little dirty because I feel I have said this in some sort of way before * ( Dead Friendships in a Chinese Bathroom... ) * but hey! Coming home... So recently I have been struggling to deal with people around me, specifically people and their expectations of me, from me and consequently frustrations when am unable to meet them. Am not here to say sorry or anything in that regard, naaaa... all I want remind you is that; disappointment is inevitable, its part of the game and life is full of disappointments. - if you are looking for solace, my boy Benji recently wrote a great piece on ' doors closing ' that may soothe your wounds.   You go into a thing expecting this and you get that. You go into a thing, not even knowing what the thing is or if am being polite not speaking up for yourself to start with and you get what you get. Heck sometimes you both agree on a thing but shit just happens - that is LIFE!  But nooooo.... you my d...

 "Don't you think you should get a job, Bolanle? Won't you apply for this bank job, in the newspapers, Bolnale? Didn't you see the handsome boy that was looking at you, Bolanle?" - Bolanle, The Secret Lives of Baba Segi's Wives There are a couple of directions we could take with this, but then again.... but then again, what is the point? People talk! That is what we do, we talk and we give our opinions. We make sure we are heard even in the absence of voice. It is estimated that in the span of an average day, an individual speaks 7000 words. For context, 7000 is within the word limit for a short story. But anyway...  So what is the problem? Lets see, you are not comfortable with my relationship status, you did not quite like my tone in the email , I spoke too little and then too much, I could have used words with fewer syllables, the choice of my clothes bothers you a little and you believe I could have given you more attention the other evening.  Now here is...

Beauty  just like sadness has an infinite range and the only way to  accurately grasp it all is to imagine - Alex Pierce, A Brief History of Seven Killings.  I have always said that I struggle to write in the sunny moments of my life, my excuse has always been that I am too busy enjoying them. This unfortunately is not the piece to buck the trend but it does promise it 😏.  First off, this has been an exciting year, full of all the right juices and oomph. However, it has been underlined with a need to pussyfoot, it has been serenaded with an undying whisper of imminent distress. Because of that, the experiences that I have had, the lessons and information that I have had to take on will never leave me. They will never leave because they took root in places where youth and all its liberties once stood.  Change It has also been a year of change and growth and certainly not without its fair share of pain as is expected with the push to occupy ...

“That was how it was, sometimes. You put yourself in front of the thing and waited for whatever was going to happen and that was all. It scared you and it didn't matter. You stood and faced it. There was no outwitting anything.  Sometimes you looked the thing in the eye and it turned away. Sometimes it didn't. -  She had learned, in her life, that time lived inside of you. You are time, you breathe time" - Almodine, The Story of Edgar Sawtelle. We are speaking about this again. I am writing about this again, I am writing to you about my regrets, I am writing to you about things that happened, regrettable things, things I had control over and yet I still let them happen - I am writing about choosing the less pleasant path. Yesterday was difficult, seeing you was difficult. Even though I had gone through it in my mind & felt very comfortable with my choices, seeing you made me doubt it all. Was it the right thing to do? Was there another way? And even wi...

Please give me a few more minutes, let me give it another shot, I can do better . You guys are all I have got, I need you... he begged. Why will you not concede? We know where this is going, this is what you should do - they retorted. Rusty circles and a handful of raw lemons - they offered! When you are closer to 30 or over it, everything you do has got to be objective - it really has to be! From the food you eat, the money you spend, the words you say and more importantly the relations you keep. There is really no time to go around on taste runs, it is expected that you should have refined your taste and opinions, that your character is defined to some level. I had long given up on the idea of a 'best friend' a long long time ago after 'my boy' turned out not to be my boy after all - in its place I chose multiple friends who offered me a little bit of everything with very little effort exerted at a time. I felt that this was the safer approach. I now didn...

I like you, he said - I like you too she replied. At that moment he opened up his eyes and allowed her to look straight inside him. He let her make her way up, through the maze of his nerves. He let her crawl up his veins until she found his soul- And at that moment they had found it, -They had reached the uncomfortable silence only it was not uncomfortable.

There comes a time in life when life becomes life, when the chips are grounded, when the supposedly fat lady has had her tune and fate has shown her elusive face. We are at such a time and while we may not understand the change in tide, we will celebrate the moment in true tribal grandiose like we know how to. Tonight we celebrate a man, tonight we toast to a marvelously marvelous character, we celebrate a man we have grown to love with a dash of hot pepper to taste. Here is to you Harry, a true man's man, you have become a friend to all of us and we are honored to to call you a brother. May the good times roll and may God's face shine ever so brightly upon you and your jeune family. A la votre sante!

How do you describe everything? With what words do you define entirety? How do you paint the picture of a man, the portrait of a friend who has given and continues to give everything? With what words do you portray a man whose outlines you cannot imagine, a man you constantly chisel your living around with some hope that one day, that for one moment, you can make up a resemblance. The answer is you do not, when you have received so much from someone, you give. You attempt to give thanks, you make it your duty, your obligation to give thanks and humble yourself because God blessed you that much. You thank God and beg him to keep him; you pray that God illuminates his living ever so brightly. I have learned that it is only through God’s constantly renewed mercies that we are we, that we are what we are, that we were there, that we have been 60 years ago, 35 years ago, 30 years ago… That it is only through God’s mercies that we will be here in the next hour for the next hour that ...

Imagine me on the edge, at the end of the line, my hands clasping at a straw, my head barely above the water. Imagine the wind attempting with all its force to tip me over and yet in all this am smiling. Never have I felt so helpless yet so powerful. It is all ahead of me and I can feel it, I can see it, I am 26 in a few hours and dreaming again. June has not been a month for mushiness, of scented candles and pink 'lushiness'. It has not had anything for the faint hearted. I have had to question everything, all my comforts have been disrupted leaving me in a constant state of in between and never there, always at the edge, yet in all this I have grown to trust my Lord more, rely on him at every dawn and give thanks at dusk. God has been my shield in all this and because of it I have never felt more stronger, more determined to light up my section of the hill. Here is to my Lord, my righteousness, my shield, my redemption, my everything. Here is to being unshackeled from li...

Truth be told I have had an amazing year thus far, God has been ever so graceful to me regardless of my perpetual failings. Now just as I was wading through clouds of joy and peace with a heart full of verve and conquer, I seem to have hit a snag. Over the last couple of days I have allowed discontent to make its way up through my nerves and now my brain seems to be stained to the grey with it. Everywhere I turn there seems to be something I do not quite like, something I'd rather not have going that way. So I want to lace up and sprint away from it. Run to a fortified castle far far away in the sun where I will be free from it all, free from the reality of it. But that's just it, its nothing but a fantasy, chaff that is soon blown away by a frail wind. As soon as I allow myself to even think it, as soon as I drift away into the sunset, reality slaps me right back in line like a disturbed teacher would a school boy. "It is not going to happen Henry, she snorts, your i...

My year begins with a huge event, something that could potentially affect my entire year ahead in more ways than I can anticipate at this moment yet I have no idea what will be of it. I have a meeting with my bosses, 'a chat' is what they called it but for me a session with my bosses is going to be anything but a chat. I am getting more and more anxious, nervous even in the hours leading up to it. My job means a whole lot to me and the people around me so any discussion on it will take all the priority and I can think of nothing else. The thing is with just a couple of hours left to it, I am powerless and unable to dictate the path it will take. (You have never been in control, have you?) That task, I left in my prayer yesterday, last night, this morning and a few minutes ago to the LORD, only he can influence it. My worries, my fears cannot after all add or remove an inch to anything. I have settled with the comfort that God will work all things for my good and that ...

This is it, this is the end, the moment we have all been thrusting our minds and bodies towards through the year. It is the big finish. The fumes of satisfaction and victory choke the hall we are all crammed in; everyone seems to be in sync with harmony. Everyone, everyone but me, everyone is ecstatic but me, everyone else is reveling in the glitz but me. I am not in tune with the pop of champagne, my laughter is broken and my smiles cannot hide the lies. My spirit is faint and it is fast becoming obvious to everyone else. They can all see it; am a marked man and the whispers behind my back tell it all, hell, my palpitating heart and fleeing shadow betray me. It is now obvious. So why am I still here?, why do I still breath? Of what purpose am I to this world, to my family, to my friends? I have only lied to them all this while and my makeup cannot hold anymore. The cracks are visible to all, if anything, I should be crawling in the filth of my death. Yet inspite of my mischie...

Against the sound of hungry mosquitoes and the illumination of scented candles; we had quite a time. We joked, we laughed, we smiled. We cried, we wept, we mourned. We had it all and yet always asked for more. Tuesday nights were special, the serenity always sucked you in. Tucked in soft, cushy sofas, you could only be yourself. With open arms waiting, you felt nowhere but home, at home with the warmth, at home with friends, at home with family. So as we say goodbye to those memorable nights, we know that it will never really be lost from us; the memories and the steps we took together are etched on the very skin of our hearts. Here is to you Tuesday, here is to Dekende living. Thank you Heidi, it was truly special*

Starting recently my life has been going through changes, my whole outlook towards life has indeed changed and I must confess I have never been more content and thankful for every day, every night, every passing moment in this world. I can finally say with great and unshakable confidence that I have now got onto the road that will see me get to my life's purpose, my raison d'etre so to speak. This does not however mean that am free of challenges, of downs, free of trials as I'd like to call them. In fact am now in even greater conflict with them than ever before, the urge to give in to my desires, my selfishness, my ego and self-centered living is greater and more powerful than ever before! Not a moment goes past when am not tempted to look away from Jesus Christ and worship my own self. It is a difficult challenge, giving up your own interests in favor of another's but it is one that by the Grace of God am looking towards and seeking to practice at every opportu...

In the space of 120 seconds and a margin of 8 goals, Manchester United, my favored football club relinquished the title of English champions to their most sworn of enemies and noisiest of neighbors,Manchester city football club. I will be honest with you, as a devout supporter of the club, that drop of saliva that i swallowed when it finally dawned to me that it was gone hurt. It hurt me that we had lost the title and most of all, we lost it to City... But that was all there was to it, my feelings are enshrined in much more than just the falling of a season, am shielded in the belief that United just it has done so many tim,es in the past when faced with pretenders to its crown will once again forge itself into greatness. like Sir Matt Busby once said, United is a team that seeks after excellence, and when it fails, it just has to settle for perfection. So I write today in honor of the hard work that the team put out through the season, and in comfort of the promise of the future.

It crawls up to the darkness and sits up coiled against the dying wall, shreds of paint fall at its touch.. I stretch out my hand towards it but will not come to me, my movement only seems to push it further into the wall. Whatever got this creature to such a deplorable state, it sees no hope of rescue from its troubles! It extends further as if begging the walls to somehow devour it. So i stand there, absent of thought, absent of speech, resigned to my fate, there is nothing more I could possibly say to change it. This is not a job of a mere mortal like me, I could not change a thing even with all the wisdom of the world on my back. So as I draw away from the scene of my defeat, my feet discover a piece of paper on the dusty floor beneath them, the fable light piercing through the wooden windows allow me to read, this is what I see... the lamp of the LORD searches the spirit of a man, it searches out his inmost being ... I have found my answer so I shall not look back to this day as...

Uganda, my beloved country has been ‘trending’ on twitter for the best bit of this and last month. Now for a country like us to trend let alone keep trending for so long a while is just strange. If am right this could just be the first time we actually do. It is all down to the recent campaign by a certain fellow called Jason and his ‘Invisible Children’ campaign to “get Joseph Kony famous” to get him “arrested” to “stop Kony”. So I decided to check out people’s comments on the subject, I specifically searched “#Uganda”. Oh dear me it is just unbelievable the amount of RAW ignorance and stupidity that is floating out there. One particular tweet ticked me off, “for every re-tweet, 0.35 dollars will be donated to Uganda and the ‘Invisible Children Inc’. What are we now? Peasants, paupers? This Jason fella has managed to twist minds into thinking that without him and his organization we are nothing and Joseph Kony will run all over Uganda bringing more plight and misery over an alr...

Pretty soon I shall be two and a half decades old, am a fully grown man and consider myself an adult and therefore know what it is I want in life, what I want for myself and from those that encircle me. That said, you too my dear are an adult and expect you to be certain of the things that drive you to wake at dawn.So if you expect me to crawl on hot coals, run through brick walls and cross the Atlantic just to proove to you how deep my eagerness to have you stretches, then you got it a little twisted. I do not see past curved lines and surely am not going to disrupt my cycle for you.

In between the moments of near bliss, affection and the spells of almost poetic living, love is not always love and roses are sometimes just black pungent little things. In a relationship, stars are not always perfectly aligned, there are no “soul mates” and fights are perfectly normal. There is no in between, no hot and cold, instead you are eternally stuck in either extremes of joy happiness or depression sorrow . There is always a fluctuation of emotion and the smallest of things often offset the balance. Points are easily lost just as they are earned and nobody forgets mistakes “wrongs” done, instead they are added to your tab. When you are single though, and are out looking in; chances are that all you see are red roses, strawberries, scented candles, nights under a full moon and endless bliss. You will in fact want and desire with every string of muscle of your “heart” to get in and have a piece of the pie. Alas, when you get in; the truth rubs your face like the very w...

It has been a couple of years now that I have been in this place and I can now quite confidently say that I know it well. I know it it just as well as the place I spent my infant years. I know it well because I have been coming here at the hatching of every dawn ever since I heard of it those many years back. It has been five years now but nothing has changed. Apart from the extra layers of dust on the floor and the now more intricate cobweb on the cracking walls, everything seems to have kept its place just like it was those many years ago. It is a lot more silent now though especially with the parting of its inhabitants who seemed to have got wary of the unbearable heat that that defines this place. So am left here alone, alone with the cracks on the walls, alone with the silence, alone with the heat. and even with the solitude that seems to be etching closer and closer to a life of its own, I still return here each and every day. I come back hoping, that it has chan...