green illusion

Imagine me on the edge, at the end of the line, my hands clasping at a straw, my head barely above the water. Imagine the wind attempting with all its force to tip me over and yet in all this am smiling. Never have I felt so helpless yet so powerful. It is all ahead of me and I can feel it, I can see it, I am 26 in a few hours and dreaming again. June has not been a month for mushiness, of scented candles and pink 'lushiness'. It has not had anything for the faint hearted. I have had to question everything, all my comforts have been disrupted leaving me in a constant state of in between and never there, always at the edge, yet in all this I have grown to trust my Lord more, rely on him at every dawn and give thanks at dusk. God has been my shield in all this and because of it I have never felt more stronger, more determined to light up my section of the hill. Here is to my Lord, my righteousness, my shield, my redemption, my everything. Here is to being unshackeled from li

Truth be told I have had an amazing year thus far, God has been ever so graceful to me regardless of my perpetual failings. Now just as I was wading through clouds of joy and peace with a heart full of verve and conquer, I seem to have hit a snag. Over the last couple of days I have allowed discontent to make its way up through my nerves and now my brain seems to be stained to the grey with it. Everywhere I turn there seems to be something I do not quite like, something I'd rather not have going that way. So I want to lace up and sprint away from it. Run to a fortified castle far far away in the sun where I will be free from it all, free from the reality of it. But that's just it, its nothing but a fantasy, chaff that is soon blown away by a frail wind. As soon as I allow myself to even think it, as soon as I drift away into the sunset, reality slaps me right back in line like a disturbed teacher would a school boy. "It is not going to happen Henry, she snorts, your i

My year begins with a huge event, something that could potentially affect my entire year ahead in more ways than I can anticipate at this moment yet I have no idea what will be of it. I have a meeting with my bosses, 'a chat' is what they called it but for me a session with my bosses is going to be anything but a chat. I am getting more and more anxious, nervous even in the hours leading up to it. My job means a whole lot to me and the people around me so any discussion on it will take all the priority and I can think of nothing else. The thing is with just a couple of hours left to it, I am powerless and unable to dictate the path it will take. (You have never been in control, have you?) That task, I left in my prayer yesterday, last night, this morning and a few minutes ago to the LORD, only he can influence it. My worries, my fears cannot after all add or remove an inch to anything. I have settled with the comfort that God will work all things for my good and that