green illusion

Beauty  just like sadness has an infinite range and the only way to  accurately grasp it all is to imagine - Alex Pierce, A Brief History of Seven Killings.  I have always said that I struggle to write in the sunny moments of my life, my excuse has always been that I am too busy enjoying them. This unfortunately is not the piece to buck the trend but it does promise it 😏.  First off, this has been an exciting year, full of all the right juices and oomph. However, it has been underlined with a need to pussyfoot, it has been serenaded with an undying whisper of imminent distress. Because of that, the experiences that I have had, the lessons and information that I have had to take on will never leave me. They will never leave because they took root in places where youth and all its liberties once stood.  Change It has also been a year of change and growth and certainly not without its fair share of pain as is expected with the push to occupy ...

Please give me a few more minutes, let me give it another shot, I can do better . You guys are all I have got, I need you... he begged. Why will you not concede? We know where this is going, this is what you should do - they retorted. Rusty circles and a handful of raw lemons - they offered! When you are closer to 30 or over it, everything you do has got to be objective - it really has to be! From the food you eat, the money you spend, the words you say and more importantly the relations you keep. There is really no time to go around on taste runs, it is expected that you should have refined your taste and opinions, that your character is defined to some level. I had long given up on the idea of a 'best friend' a long long time ago after 'my boy' turned out not to be my boy after all - in its place I chose multiple friends who offered me a little bit of everything with very little effort exerted at a time. I felt that this was the safer approach. I now didn...

Imagine me on the edge, at the end of the line, my hands clasping at a straw, my head barely above the water. Imagine the wind attempting with all its force to tip me over and yet in all this am smiling. Never have I felt so helpless yet so powerful. It is all ahead of me and I can feel it, I can see it, I am 26 in a few hours and dreaming again. June has not been a month for mushiness, of scented candles and pink 'lushiness'. It has not had anything for the faint hearted. I have had to question everything, all my comforts have been disrupted leaving me in a constant state of in between and never there, always at the edge, yet in all this I have grown to trust my Lord more, rely on him at every dawn and give thanks at dusk. God has been my shield in all this and because of it I have never felt more stronger, more determined to light up my section of the hill. Here is to my Lord, my righteousness, my shield, my redemption, my everything. Here is to being unshackeled from li...

Truth be told I have had an amazing year thus far, God has been ever so graceful to me regardless of my perpetual failings. Now just as I was wading through clouds of joy and peace with a heart full of verve and conquer, I seem to have hit a snag. Over the last couple of days I have allowed discontent to make its way up through my nerves and now my brain seems to be stained to the grey with it. Everywhere I turn there seems to be something I do not quite like, something I'd rather not have going that way. So I want to lace up and sprint away from it. Run to a fortified castle far far away in the sun where I will be free from it all, free from the reality of it. But that's just it, its nothing but a fantasy, chaff that is soon blown away by a frail wind. As soon as I allow myself to even think it, as soon as I drift away into the sunset, reality slaps me right back in line like a disturbed teacher would a school boy. "It is not going to happen Henry, she snorts, your i...

My year begins with a huge event, something that could potentially affect my entire year ahead in more ways than I can anticipate at this moment yet I have no idea what will be of it. I have a meeting with my bosses, 'a chat' is what they called it but for me a session with my bosses is going to be anything but a chat. I am getting more and more anxious, nervous even in the hours leading up to it. My job means a whole lot to me and the people around me so any discussion on it will take all the priority and I can think of nothing else. The thing is with just a couple of hours left to it, I am powerless and unable to dictate the path it will take. (You have never been in control, have you?) That task, I left in my prayer yesterday, last night, this morning and a few minutes ago to the LORD, only he can influence it. My worries, my fears cannot after all add or remove an inch to anything. I have settled with the comfort that God will work all things for my good and that ...